Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
