I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
