i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Success! We fucked roommates!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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