entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
