i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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