Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's rum buckets o'clock
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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