he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I love you. Go after that dick
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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