Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
