Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
