Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
