She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
