I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
