omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
There's always time for handjobs
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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