i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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