She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
