So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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