you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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