He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
