after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
