I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
