I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
