I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
