Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
