nut hugger
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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