Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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