Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
