Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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