Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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