Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
