I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
