I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
