Apparently you make a good broom.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
