We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
