Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
