1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
