I am in a vortex of obligation.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
