My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i drank out of a bidet.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
