The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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