i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
