When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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