We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
