PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
