All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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