im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
