Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
