new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
