I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
