My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
