Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
