so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
