My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
