tell your sister to shave her snatch
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
