He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
