apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You don't make any sense
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