i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
organizing the empties. That sober.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
